The Call to Sexuality
and why the answering of the call is so frightening.
Written by: Elizabeth Willis, Phd. Director of the Institute New Paradigm Intimacy
Sexuality Scares People
…which is why it stays as one of the most hidden mysteries and a pathway for our deep unconscious patterns to play.
Sexuality inherently holds a paradoxical tension—a deep yearning to explore its mysteries and embrace its power, while simultaneously triggering an urge to retreat, hide, and shield oneself from its vulnerability and intensity.
Jung said, “Until you make your unconscious conscious, it will direct you and you will call it fate.”
And so, while we are seeing a rise in consciousness in the collective as meditation becomes mainstream, yoga classes in schools are not a novelty anymore and in general awareness of self has risen…
Sexuality still gets left out.
It gets pushed to the side and kept in the shadows of mainstream spirituality and consciousness work.
And guess where all of those unconscious patterns thrive, despite all of the hours of meditating?
In sex.
Sexuality is not an afterthought to spiritual development; it is an essential part of it. To awaken to your sexuality is to awaken to a fuller expression of your aliveness. It is to honor the energy that creates and sustains life itself, the energy that connects us not only to each other but to the divine.
Sexuality and Spirituality Severed
When we sever spirituality from sexuality, we perpetuate a divide that keeps us fragmented. It is no wonder that even the most disciplined practitioners of spirituality find themselves grappling with the hidden undercurrents of their shadow, often surfacing in relationships, desire, or suppressed longing. By keeping sexuality in the shadows, we deny ourselves access to one of the most potent and transformative forces within us.
This distortion, similar to the energy of the “vices” released from Pandora’s Box in the Greek Myths, has served power structures in the past. As we step into a new era, sexuality is re-emerging as a force merged with consciousness, begging to be met and integrated by more.
We see this trend in the recent interest and more open conversations around sex. Relationship “failures” are slowly cracking through the conditioned layers of idealization to take on a deeper meaning of exploration of self.
Yet, there is still such awkwardness.
Such crunchiness around speaking to sexuality.
Parents twitch in terror as their children begin to show curiosity, quickly finding excuses to shut down conversation, re-direct, and project their fear onto their children.
To learn sexuality means to humble oneself to learn a new language.
It means to break and crack apart parts of the ego which have categorized “what sex looks like” and “what it means.”
Because to come into a relationship with your sex means to let go of what you “know” of sex.
And OOOFFF. That is vulnerable.
Because typical sex is an armor and a mask for your deepest self. And to access those deep parts of yourself takes a humbling, deep vulnerability and an innate sheer force of curiosity to answer the call of the unknown.
The fear that comes with the call to study sexuality is held by that part of your unconscious ready to be seen, that is GREATER than the personality of who your identity has created yourself to be.
Sexuality goes beyond gender, race, social status, ethnicity and political party affiliation.
Sexuality could care less about how many cars you own and where you obtained your college degree.
This is what makes answering the call to sexuality so scary.
As we embrace this path, we learn that sexuality is not just about acts or outcomes but about energy, creativity, and BEing. In doing so, we access a deeper spirituality—one that does not deny the body but celebrates it as the vessel of our divine essence.
Sexuality invites us to step into the fullness of who we are, dissolving the false dualities that have kept us bound. Ushering forth a quickening into your unconscious and a calling forth of facing yourself—of digging up pieces of your shadow and bringing them to light for the world to see.
Are you being called?
In my experience, the call to study sexuality emerges from very real and concrete desires in life.
For men to have stronger erections.
For women to experience mind-blowing orgasms and less pain in sex.
To rediscover what pleasure feels like in the body.
To harness a deep intimacy in relationship and connection.
Once the student answers the call and steps into the portal of sexuality, the current and life force that is sexuality begins to unravel (literally) and integrates into your life and consciousness.
And that life force WILL lead you to the unknown.
Beyond where the control of the mind can reach.
Sexuality is a portal for self-development, and once inside, the student is able to drink the life force elixir that IS life. There emerges not only a satiation of initial desires that brought the student into sexuality but an unearthing of desires far greater than the mind-body could have ever initially imagined.
The Incomplete Picture: Spirituality Without Sexuality
To embrace spirituality while neglecting sexuality is to only paint half the masterpiece of our human experience. Spirituality often aims to transcend, to explore the infinite, while sexuality grounds us deeply in our bodies, in the raw and primal pulse of existence. Together, they form a complete picture—a bridge between the sacred and the carnal, the infinite and the finite.
Answering the call to study sexuality is answering the call to wholeness. It is the courage to step into the mystery, to explore the places we have avoided, to integrate the carnal with the cosmic. It is a call to heal the wounds of shame, guilt, and repression that have been passed down through generations and to reclaim our right to pleasure, connection, and intimacy.
The call is there, waiting for us to answer—not to perfect, but to explore, to feel, and to integrate. When we do, we step into a more vibrant, authentic, and unified expression of our humanity. And in that unity, we find not just ourselves but the sacred pulse of life itself.
Written by: Elizabeth Willis, Phd. Director of the Institute New Paradigm Intimacy